When it comes to couples, almost every single one of them has faced marriage problems and difficulties in their lives. If you ask any successful couple about their marriage, they’ll tell you the struggles they had to go through to reach this point of success and happiness, when they took the step for marriage counseling, and how marriage counseling helped them feel connected and closer to each one another.
In this article, we’re going to talk about some of the marriage counseling questions that you need to ask your spouse in order to strengthen your bond and become closer to each other.
Misinterpretation of Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling or couples therapy is often misunderstood. People think that accepting the need for counseling means that their marriage has failed. Actually it’s a sign of health when you enter into marriage counseling. That means you are making time and room for maintenance work on your marriage just the same way you take care of your car.
Going to marriage counseling does not mean you or your marriage is a failure. You might say “We don’t need counseling, we just need to stop fighting”. Actually it is a myth that a couple should not find. What is important is how you fight. If you came into my counseling practice and told me “we never fight”, that is actually a problem. This would tell me that if not both of you but one of you at least has a serious avoidance issue. I can write a blog about this in the near future. Even if you are going through a phase in your marriage, you may not have the right relationships and communication skills to have that difficult conversation. Searching for a “marriage counselor near me” should be your priority. Another important tip is to make sure that you will know how to carefully interview the right marriage therapist. Make sure that she or he is highly experienced and feel free to ask them difficult questions, such as what percentage of their counseling practice is with couples, how long they have been practicing, and their specialties. Feel free to ask them about what issues the therapist is not experienced nor trained to work with. With the help of this list of questions to ask your spouse, get on the same page with each other, so that your goals and needs are clear before you go into the couple’s counseling.
Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse
In the following paragraphs, we’re going to talk about some of the major questions that your spouse needs to be asked when undergoing marriage counseling.
What are the issues?
Subtle things that might seem insignificant at times could be hurting you and your spouse the most. You might have your own concerns and issues and your spouse might have their own. Therefore, addressing the issues in a counseling session is very important because problems can’t be resolved if they’re not shared. Be open to your spouse’s perspective and goals, don’t impose your own or disagree. Listen carefully to his/her perspective as you receive that piece of information.
Are we putting enough effort?
An effort is a glue that holds any relationship together. If you feel as if you’re not giving or receiving enough effort in the relationship, let your voice be heard. No relationship requires too much effort but if you’re going through a bad patch, you need to put in the right amount of effort. Be a good listener and ask questions.
Are we going through a bad patch?
Relationships often go through rocky paths. It doesn’t matter how couples got to the path, what matters is how they overcome their difficulties. Therefore, first and foremost, ask your partner whether they also think that you’re just going through a bad phase. If that is the case, then there are many beneficial routes that you can choose with the help of marriage counseling for a better-married life.
How do we feel about our connection?
Feelings are incredibly important in a relationship. If you’ve chosen to go for couples therapy, then make sure you enquire your partner about their true feelings for the relationship. Be prepared, sometimes your spouse is not able to verbalize their feelings, be patient with her/him. This is something that a good therapist can diagnose and address as you interact with each other in the sessions.
What are your concerns about me?
Often partners conceal their concerns for each other. This could prove very detrimental for a married couple. You can help your spouse put forth their concerns and issues about you with proper encouragement and vice versa. This is essential for couples therapy.
Do you feel intimacy towards me?
Relationships are built over love and intimacy. A lot of people don’t actually know what intimacy is. Intimacy is more sexual, physical relationships, and interactions. The foundation for sexual intimacy is emotional and relational. Many marriage don’t have the skills to practice this foundation. If you don’t know what I am talking about here, you certainly need to find a seasoned therapist who will facilitate this conversation with you both and t is time for counseling. Ask your spouse whether they still feel love, attraction, and any connection with you before you move forward with the counseling process.
Do we trust each other’s actions?
Trust holds any marriage together. If you don’t trust your spouse, then there is no basis for the relationship to flourish. So, you should ask your spouse whether they trust you and if you can trust them as well.
Have we made any mistakes?
Sometimes people make mistakes without knowing. So it is very crucial to ask your spouse whether they’re upset with any mistake that you made. You should also ask them how you can amend that mistake.
Are we satisfied with each other?
Physical attraction is a topic of major importance when it comes to marriage. If a couple is physically uninterested in each other, they’ll try finding pleasure in other people. So, asking your spouse about physical attraction is also an important step in marriage counseling.
Are you romantically interested in someone else?
There might be a possibility that your spouse is interested in someone else. If that is the case, ask them, let them know your concerns before minor concerns turn into major doubts.
Do you feel counseling is unnecessary?
If your spouse thinks that you don’t need couples therapy, ask them why. Understanding their perspective and giving them hope is necessary for a successful counseling session.
Have you ever considered being with someone else?
Ask your partner if they’ve ever thought of being with someone else. Once you know the answer to this question, you’ll be able to truly decide whether the session is going to lead to meaningful results.
What do you expect from our marriage?
Expectations of happiness and satisfaction are what people usually have from their relationships. Ask your spouse what they expect.
Are there any past events you want to address?
Marriage counseling is all about being honest and truthful. Therefore, address any past events which caused problems between you to deal with the problems on each layer.
Do you feel difficulty communicating?
Feeling ease while communicating problems is what everyone yearns for, in a relationship. Ask your spouse if they feel ease conversing with you about their life problems.
Are you comfortable with me?
Ask your spouse whether they’re comfortable being themselves in front of you because that is important for every marriage.
Do you feel loved?
Enquire them about whether they feel loved by you. If they reply negatively, try using tactics and making efforts for making them feel loved.
What else can we try?
There are many things that can be done in order to make a marriage successful. So, you have to ask your spouse whether they feel as if something is still missing.
Is Divorce the final option?
When there is no other option but divorce, then you and your spouse should choose to go your separate ways amicably.
Are we willing to change for each other’s happiness?
If the marriage counseling is successful and you feel that things can work out, ask your spouse if they’re willing to change themselves alongside you for each other’s happiness ensuring a successful marriage.
Be Yourself, Don’t hold back
Implement these questions. However, don’t rehearse your emotions. Be honest about your true feelings flow through your words. If you don’t feel safe, then there are other things to do. Your words and responses can affect your relationship’s survivability.